Tuesday, August 31, 2021

153

never a plan be made
but broken when time
first come first served
first begged last earned

hang temptation
hang my head
hang common sense
deliver denial instead 

Monday, August 30, 2021

152

code across my chest
barring every which way
locking up the gates
lest I see or say

something that crosses the line
something that trips a wire
something that I shouldn't know
divide the world with fire

and trap me on the outside
throw me into to cold...
it's no wonder I insist on howling:
you gave me to the wolves. 

Sunday, August 29, 2021

151

in the coming pass
and the fallen days
the mountain strong
and the storied greys

wind swept branches
and tumbled down leaves
oranges and reds
and autumnal trees 

Saturday, August 28, 2021

150

two days and falling
harder cuz I tripped
lying awake and calling
wondering when I slipped

one month and waited
bog swamp and breaking
one word I've always hated
it's not giving but taking

and I'm usually really good
at keeping emotions leashed
but I fell face first and stood
begging to be teased 

The Ayleid and the Carpenter

Mature Content Warning
This piece may contain some content that is not appropriate for all readers. I haven't deigned to put it on my NSFW gallery because there's only a little bit, it's not terribly extreme (from my perspective), and this is just the introduction to the story anyway. Further chapters that might be more crude will be relocated to the NSFW gallery.

--

Look, I didn't intend to start a cult. I know you don't believe me, nobody ever does.

All I wanted was a little place to myself, and have you seen the price of housing around here? It's incredulous to say the least. I mean, law and order can have completely broken down, the land changes lords so often that the town has six different names in three different languages, the people barter instead of using money because the wrong coin on the wrong day of the week will see you in the stocks--or worse, hanged--the house across the way is still smouldering from the last time it was sacked... and the cellar apartment still costs an arm and a leg to let.

So I got myself a ruin.

It had a bit of a pest problem before I moved in. I mean, it still has a pest problem, but enough adventurous types come through here to keep the worst of it to a manageable level. 

You'd think they'd cause a ruckus, and they do, but there are so many hidden passages in these old things that most just stride on by without noticing. There are a few that come in with the intent to take everything that isn't nailed down and some things that are, and those do manage to trip over me; but I trade them a good story, some lore, and a bit of rest for not nicking all my stuff.

And ocassionally, someone wants to stick around for a bit.

So what do you do with them? The word on the surface is there's a problem of slavery and deviancy down here.

Of course you want to know about them. Look, we're entirely consensual down here. 

If someone wants to be tied up, who am I to say no? Some people like owning people and some people like being owned. The better for the both of them if they find each other instead of getting someone unwilling involved in the mix.

What they get up to in their own stretch of hallway is none of my business, so long as they keep it in their corner and out of mine.

What about your food? Some say theft has been a problem in the area.

Yes, some of our foodstocks are nicked. So what? The water's free and pure, we don't horde the food. You want an apple? Here, take an apple. I would recommend not taking a bite directly because you never know what's gotten into it before you, but we haven't had any significant illnesses down here.

Except for the not getting sunlight.

Well, yeah, but.. look, the food's gotta come from somewhere. We all do our part.

You go topside too?

Not as much as I used to, but yes, I do.

What changed?

Somebody decided, or a couple of somebodies, I don't know who, that since I was the first, and I generally keep the peace and resolve disputes, and I'm generally considered to be fair... maybe I should be protected.

They look up to me, maybe because I don't judge them for who they are or what they want. I don't care about anybody's bloodline or species. We're all still people; we still share this space, whether it's a mostly abandoned Ayleid ruin or the whole planet. We're in this together.

So that's the cult? A cult of you?

If you want to call it that. I prefer to call it a "cult of kindness," but as much as they look up to me, and perhaps might even worship me (though I try to discourage that) nobody else likes when I say that. Make up your own mind. I don't really care.

Friday, August 27, 2021

149

at minimum once per day
could you smile &
remind me we're okay? 

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

147

'well, you don't have to be condescending about it'

actually,
if you look at the empirical evidence,
I do have to be condescending.

when I wasn't being condescending,
you had no idea what I was talking about.

it wasn't until I got condescending,
dumbed things down like I was
talking to a child
that you had any idea
what I said.

following that line of evidence
there is a positive correlation between
me being condescending
and you understanding.

'what?'

when I talk to you like
you're an idiot,
you understand what I'm saying,

but you complain
that I'm talking to you like
you're an idiot.

when I talk to you like
you're not an idiot,
you have no idea what I'm saying,

and you complain
that I'm speaking words
that you don't understand.

'can't you do that without being condescending?'

hypothetically,
but it's too much work.
 

Tuesday, August 24, 2021

146

when something is eating away
and your mind feels strained,
when nothing seems to stay
and everything becomes pain,

when the road crumbles under foot
and the wind bites at your pace,
when it's uphill every which way
and you just want a safe space...

let me curl up in your lap,
let me take all your fears away,
pet me until nothing's left...
YOU are where I want to stay. 

Friday, August 20, 2021

142

you could be so much worse to me,
but as long as you hold the torch
I'll keep coming back to the light,
I'll keep yearning for your touch.

you could keep me forever
and never decide to allow
what I ache for you to take away,
keep me prostrate and follow.

you could torment me with kindness
and I'd contract to be by your side
until I'm broken by your willingness
to offer me what I've hoped to find.

Monday, August 16, 2021

138

I broke a promise and
I want to pay the price,
I want it to be painful
so I don't think twice
the next time I'm
on the ol' fence-line...
please, make it hurt,
so I don't ██████ a third time. 

Sunday, August 15, 2021

137

in the quiet and the dark
when I'm the last one awake
could be beautiful or be hard,
could go either way...

I could love the silence
like the world is mine alone,
have the place to myself
and nothing to atone...

or...

I could feel the emptiness
writing heavily upon my soul,
distraught in my aloneness
unheld, unloved, unwhole...

tonight it's the former,
I'm revelling in the peace
of settling down for the night
with everything that I need. 

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

133

take what you need,
I've no claim to your time,
certainly no objection to sharing
my penance is but a dime

to the other threads
you maintain everyday.
sharing your ideas and feelings
it's all I hope you say...

and I often get more
then the tithe of your time.
thank you for your attentions,
you make my heart shine. 

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

132

add another scale
to the growing list of charts
weight, bp, temp, mood,
and now O2 and heart.

and still I want more
ways to measure my self
(though more for the love of data
than to work for my health). 

Monday, August 9, 2021

131

measure every moment,
pass the tick marks down the line
to find the final pattern,
find what calls my time;

track the every metric,
measure out the host,
what if it's never enough...
what if I'm standing too close...?

what if what's actually needed
is less data instead of more...?
I guess then I'd never find a pattern
til the curtain calls the score. 

Sunday, August 8, 2021

130

why...
when you take
something hard won and built
something useful and still
something I make...
and let it fall
unused?

why
so many friends
who ask and request
who need a tool
who appreciate the work
who fall into fool
and forget to
use?

why
did you ask
did you exclaim
did you shout to the heav'ns
did you offer to pay
did you deny what you say
and yet leave it
empty?

why
are you not
while I am definitely
inconceivably
unconsolably
the first
the last
alone.

Friday, August 6, 2021

128

deliberately push me
to my limit and past
and then get upset
when I crack...

Wednesday, August 4, 2021

126

$can you hear me?
&no. that's the point.
$but if you can't hear
$what if an alarm goes off
$what if we need to
$evacuate the building?
&if you have an alarm that isn't
&ada complaint
&that's not my problem 

Monday, August 2, 2021

124

I don't know what I did
but somehow I found the way for me...
sometimes it's the time and place,
sometimes it's nothing to do with the key... 

Sunday, August 1, 2021

123

don't wait for others
or you'll be waiting in their stead,
betrayed by their disbelief,
trapped inside their head.