Monday, June 25, 2012

Hatred vs Reconciliation

I write to those I have forgiven:
Only one name on the list and it is not mine own.

I'd rather cut ties than heal them,
Burn bridges than repair them,
Raze cities than re-enforce them.

No small wonder
I have no-one left.

If I can't forgive myself,
How can I forgive anyone else?

Hugging myself just isn't the same.

House vs Institution

I inscribe these thoughts the only way I can:
To get them outside my head.

There are no bars on my windows,
But I'm imprisoned all the same,
Locked up inside my head,
Trapped inside my brain.

I need someone to break me out.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Hoar vs Youth (Mature)

Mature Content

These letters are addressed to myself:
Where do I send them?

To the boy behind me,
Who still lives in my head:

Go out and live.
Don't be afraid to hurt yourself,
To waste money,
To break her heart.
Grow out your hair and dye it.

To the eld' ahead of me,
Who is taking over my body (too soon):

Fuck off,
I'm not done living yet.

I need something to hold me together.

Heights vs Gravity

I write these lines from the ground:
And give them to the sky.

I'm trapped down in this well,
Staring at the circle of light
Where I used to fly,
Wheeling around in the bright
Blue endless day.

I can only climb so high,
Before I must jump . . .
And fall so very far.

I need someone to lift me up.

Happiness vs Apathy

I'be been writing letters to send to no-one:
Here they wait.

My life is too empty for excitement,
Too vacant for victories,
Too pointless for invested personal interest,
Too bottomless for belief, faith hope.

I've never had faith.
I've never reached out and touched
Something that wasn't there.

I need a hug.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Hoping vs Fearing

I leave notes, wishing you would read them:
Here I am.

Glad I missed out,
Wishing I didn't remember you,
Wondering what to write next
Because you won't read it.

And if you did read it,
You'd never let me know.

I'll work my way down to the last,
But skip some on the way,
Because I can break my own rules.

But I can't break my own rules.

Here's to wishing for another hug.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Heavenly vs Earthly

I leave notes where you won't find them:

Glad I stopped by,
Wishing I could join.
Regretted not joining,
Regretted letting myself get old,
Regretted too much...

When she left us, I promised myself:
I would take chances;
I would try new things;
I would remember that youth is a phase;
And we all get old eventually;
And we all die eventually;
But not all of us take the time to live first;
I would try to live first,
Never knowing if I was hastening to my passing,
But enjoying life instead of caring.

I forget that vow some times,
Letting my joint pain rule me.

I want to show up next time,
Screw the pain,
Play all night,
And wake up next to someone in the morning.
(even if they have to help me climb out of bed)

Oh, and thanks for the hug.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Specific or General Direction?

When you smile at me
I probably notice more than you
Notice that you're smiling
And looking in my direction