Saturday, January 29, 2011

Dream Journal: 29 Jan 2011

Steve wanted me to fight for him (MMA, not wrestling), joining the beginners' division, local chapter, him as my sponsor. I signed up, and he gave me the date of the first meeting - the 15th.

I was at my high school, but was in college. My first block class was Amer Hist in room 115 which was down at the end of the hall.

The teacher had classmates alternate between reading the beginning chapters of the book and the syllabus. In the syllabus and in the textbook, there was a mention of safety and security for minority students. An administrator came into the room and installed a wide and short box on one of the doors in the back of the room, then opened it and showed us a small room with two other doors for access into the room from the outside of the building. The device on the inside door was to allow only students into the classroom.

I'd taken the class before, so I stepped out, thinking about the meeting, and passed into the Box.

After several minutes, Jill, as a hall monitor, approached, and my mind starting racing for a reason to be out of class and "wandering the halls" but when she opened the door, it was only to tell me 15-minute break was about to begin. After she finished saying it, the bell rang.

I walked back down to 115 to grab my things which I'd left on my desk, and found a small crowd gathered outside the classroom. I followed their ringleader into the room, where he confronted a group of dark-tanned students who weren't there when I left. They were trying to blend in with the rest of the class.

"You don't belong here, you don't go to school here. You're just trapped here from 1945. Now get out," the ringleader told them.

They left the room.

I grabbed my things and instead of leaving, went into the "Safe Room" and stayed until it got dark, then re-entered the school.

End Dream
Woke on Jan 29, 2011 morning at 0330

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

It's Never Just A Dream

I was wandering as we do,
looking for my life,
leaving what I once had,
long since paid the price.

I was hoping for an answer
to a question I don't dare ask,
I was searching til I found it,
and there I'd end my task.

I came upon a house,
middle of no-where, circus out back,
no-where too important
just a shelter on my track.

My cell phone bars were empty
but local wifi's open wide,
I made my host hungry
for technology by my side.

Sleep came slowly, lately,
within abandoned tiger-pit
beside my convenient compatriots,
safety in numbers not always a fit.

He drove his car right over me
and pinned me to the ground,
took my magic cell phone
to be the fanciest one around.

What he didn't know: I'm a dreamer,
and I always get my due.
I woke, rewound, and slept again,
and had another chance to choose.

I couldn't run, couldn't fight,
so magic was my key,
I drew a bubble around myself,
my droid close beside me.

He drove his car right over me,
my bubble lifted it from the ground,
I, neither injured nor trapped,
he, not winning what he found.

Morning came and rested
I stood and yawned and stretched.
Restful sleep is hard to have,
when journeying far and westward,

but I did and all my things
still journey by my side.
Life is more than just a dream
when you wander far and wide.

Poetic rendition of Dream Journal: 20 Jan 2011

Saturday, January 22, 2011

No Sin In This Pride

I know you have wings,
no need to hide them from the world.
the others are simply jealous
that you wear yours unfurled.

Dreaming Awake

I walked stronger towards the light. This light that binds us; burdens us; this light that bears down heavily on our shoulders, and only then does it set us free.

I am learning the truth. Truth is such a fragile thing, though more common than sense or wisdom. I am learning and growing and reaching further than I have before with each passing moment.

Hold my hand, and together we will lift each other up.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dream Journal: 20 Jan 2011

I was out in the country, in an underpopulated area, borrowing the backyard of a total stranger with some people who were not friends, just convenience-friends, "safety in groups" and all that. There were four of us, each with our own camping gear, but it was a clear night and warm enough that we slept without tents, in just our sleeping bags.

The man whose property we slept on had an old circus fairground in his backyard, a chain link fence thrown around the rides and mechanics that we broken down and dangerous, but he did leave the tiger pit outside. It looked like a giant dog-bowl painted red, once, and was sunk into the ground a bit so that the sand that filled it was level with the ground outside. There were two openings in the short walls opposite each other, and I slept closest to one that was pointed away from the house, but toward his neighbor's property.

For some reason, the person who owned the property we were using wanted my cell phone, which was the only one anyone had ever seen get reception in the area (though in truth, I wasn't getting reception, but running it using local wi-fi networks). Yes, my Droid was in the dream with me.

He tried taking it several times, and while I was awake, was unable to. After I went to sleep however, he jumped in his car, a beat up, classic Cadillac, drove it on top of me so I was pinned down by the front bumper, and took my cell phone.

I woke in a cold sweat, my eyes rocketing open, but I don't bolt upright like I did when I was little. I performed my little calming exercise, rolled over, and closed my eyes, but also grabbed my cell phone, though it was lying next to my bed, and tucked it between my thighs.

When I returned to the dream, I was lying in the tiger-pit again, and I hear a car door close, and then an engine turn over. I was experiencing mild in-dream paralysis, so I was unable to run, fly, jump, fight back, anything. Fortunately, I had fresh in my memory a pagan protection ritual performed by some close friends they called bubbling.

I calmed my mind despite the roaring of the engine growing nearer, and pushed a mental bubble of protection outward from myself, using my sternum as the center point. As I pictured it growing, I grabbed my cell phone and tucked it between my thighs.

The car hit my bubble, which in the dream-realm, solidified into a clear, semi-permeable shield. I could see, I could hear, I could breathe, but he couldn't get in, and I couldn't get out. I didn't feel claustrophobic: I felt safe (especially with the car hovering above me, the wheels spinning in the air, held up by my protective bubble).

In the morning, the tire tracks were still there, scuffled foot prints around a circle in the sand, and the smell of burning rubber in the air. Inside that circle, the sand was smooth and undisturbed, and I woke refreshed. My convenience-friends and I parted ways, and I kept journeying west.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Deja Reve

I saw you coming back to me,
the day before yesterday.
I counted back the seconds
and I know what you would say.

The day after yesterday,
you came back to me.
I knew just what to say,
counting back eternity.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

All Your Dead were Civilized

all your dead were civilized,
and they brought my own to me.
I taught them how to farm the land
between here and manido-aki.

all my dead were reminded
of all they were to me;
I saved them from their punishment,
from all of eternity.

all my dead are dying,
gave all that they could give,
tilled the fields of manna:
so I alone could live.

Sunday, January 9, 2011


what are you fighting for?
come and listen, sit and share,
watch me play, don't be scared,
there's nothing lurking, waiting out there.
what are you fighting for?

My Head Doesn't Auto-Adjust

color-correct my monitor,
since I think I'm seeing red:
perhaps you may claim it's pink,
but that's not what I see instead.

give back my blue suede shoes,
give back my rug-lint jaw,
give back my CRT,
I know what I saw.

my skin will never be
pale as plaster, bright, or smooth:
I've gotten too many scars
from when I refuse to move.

I've been standing in this space too long,
my toes have taken root.
I'd prostrate myself to appeal to you,
but then I'd be underfoot.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Tact Comments Only

go ahead and take a look:
I put myself up for show.
just don't expect
you're due respect
when you say what I hear and know.

come and take a ride, little doggy,
you'll be my pony for the day...
comments claim you're a stud,
but you still shit in the mud.
run home and I'll flog you all the way.


hold me still, steady, long,
hold me tethered, tight and strong,
hold me, keep me safe and dear
just, please, don't imprison me here.

To Thank You Properly

spread your arms open wide
so I may find shelter inside;
let me huddle and grow warm,
let me find shelter from the storm,
and then I'll continue on my way.

grow with the stories I tell,
teeth chattering against my will;
staying awake with my voice
since freezing asleep is not my choice...
perhaps I'll return some day

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Rhythm Is Life

I can feel the rhythm and see the sound,
I know the voices that surround;
This is my world and This is my ground.

I can feel all I know and know all I feel,
my Soul is heavy but I know that it's real.
Religion is Rhythm.
Rhythm is Life.
and Life is Mine, Mine you cannot steal.

I can feel the rhythm and see the sound,
I know the vibrance that surrounds;
This is my world and I will stand my ground.

(I'd Rather Dream Forever) Than Wake Up Without You

this is the door into summer,
though spring is already here,
dearest door into summer,
I will hold you dear.

this is the door of the dreamrealm
where everything is real;
I can fly, I can live,
I can sleep, I can feel.

this is the door into tomorrow,
yesterday is back a little ways,
both are locked and keyless,
both want us to stay:

who needs a door to anywhere,
when all I want is right here.
I've no need to awaken,
you are my summer all year.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

More Than Just An Audience

sit where I can see you,
don't dare turn away.
you've got me where you want me:
wouldn't you rather stay?

New Fashioned, Not Old

you can be my hourglass
in this digital age,
gotta keep on turning turning
so you're always on my page.

you can be my fission
in this nuclear age,
show me how we multiply
and I'll open up your cage.

you can be my magic
in this scientific age,
have free reign with my wand
and we'll move on to the next stage.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Patience Feels Like A Vice Sometimes

hold me, don't scold me,
I know you're coming back around.
hold me, don't let go of me,
And I'll be sure to make you proud.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Poetry: When Autumn Meets Winter

branches that bend and leaves that fall,
beauty that waits but never does call,
voices that whisper, breath that heats the night,
and sensations that set my heart alight.


date written: 16 Dec 2010
inspired by:

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Poetry: I Can't Wait Forever

you can measure all the clouds,
or enjoy them from the ground,
paint perfect colors,
or feel the sunlight all around,

you can attack my pain with Reason,
or you can throw all that away,
you can come sit by my side
since it's you that makes my day.


date written: 16 Dec 2010


Let's Dance

don't strike me don't fight me don't move
          I'll teach you how to dance
don't watch me don't catch me
          and maybe some romance
don't try me don't test me
          but you have to let me go
don't trap me don't trap me
          you're more than you'll ever know

Don't Fan The Flames

when there is only light to see by
and all the colors start to blur,
it's no longer light I live by
and all others can rot and burn.

when there is only light to see by
I'll no longer hide in the dark,
though shadow's still my best friend,
he'll only linger on a lark.

when there is only light to see by
and all the world starts to blur,
I'll soon stop seeing colors,
and my eyes will start to burn.