Friday, December 26, 2008

Dream Journal: 26 Dec 2008

The express elevator plummeted upward, shoving my heart into my belly. My hand tightened on Lori's shoulder as my belly pressed hard against my intestines. I gasped, nearly doubling over.

Suddenly, the car stopped, and I felt my feet leave the floor. My body rolled slowly forward, my left arm pulling me against Lori's right. Her blonde hair drifted in a lazy halo around her head.

My stomach rose and twisted, but I closed my eyes and reoriented my visualization of the scene before me. several long seconds later, I reopened them.

I was standing at a thirty-degree angle to the old "straight-up", and somebody was curled into a fetal ball in one of the opposite corners. Lori herself was trying not to make any sudden movements; carefully, she turned to look at me, and I smile reassuringly. My stomach was calm.

After a few more minutes, gravity returned, and shortly thereafter, the doors dinged and opened.

Friday, December 5, 2008

I, Alone

I can find you in the darkness,
I can find you in the light;
I will find you where you hide,
be it day or dusk or night.

I can find you in the morning,
as the sun grows ever red;
I can find you in the evening,
whether moon is live or dead.

My path leads on before me,
I'll track you to all ends;
my lord sits on my shoulder:
for he and I are friends.

The war will wage without me,
as sight grows ever dim;
death will e'er approach me,
but I won't let him in.

Bright dawns fade before me
as dusks grow ever grey;
strange tidings here have brought me,
but my path won't go astray.

I lead without a master,
the world works as my slave;
no-one walks beside me,
none judge how I behave.

With darkness wrapped about me,
my heart I'll never show,
my soul is out to pasture,
where shadow seeds do grow.

Hatred does always fail me,
anger is not my way,
revenge is born without me,
and nothing I'll betray.

The storm grows ever after
I have laid myself to rest;
this war is not the answer,
nor even second best.

The world will fall without me,
alone and still I stand;
rebirth I cannot promise,
with the future in my hand.

I have found you in the darkness,
I have found you in the light;
I have found what keeps you weakened,
and removed your will to fight.

Your cage is tightly fastened,
all walls and no door;
your powers are all mine now,
you will reign no more.

May have been written 22 Feb 2005 or 5 Dec 2008. Original found copy had two dates on it, and neighboring pages were non-consecutive.

Monday, November 3, 2008

All That I Know (Mature)

Mature Content

I know it's life that's killing me,
but there's nothing I can do.
the world keeps spinning around me,
it's all too strongly glued.

I know the madness I'm breathing,
the drug that's keeping me alive,
it's under my nails and in my pores,
but without the drug I'll die.

I know how many roads to walk down,
but it won't change who I am.
this world is set on killing us--
that's the master plan.

I know how to stop it,
just as I know nobody cares.
I know nobody's listening,
but they all stop and stare.

I know about the escape,
but that only aids the goal.
We're condemned to keep on digging
ourselves deeper into this hole.

I know it's life that's killing me,
I know death is not an end,
I know the truths you're searching for,
but I wouldn't tell my dearest friend.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

What I Can Do

wishing I could fly,
feel the battering rain
whispering to the wind,
free of this cold terrain.

wishing I could go and
live beneath a cloud,
drinking fresh raindrops
untainted by the ground.

wishing I could see
the world all green and blue,
through air clean and crisp,
cold, sharp, uncruel.

wishing I could save,
hear none speak of pain,
of dreaming--instead--to fly
and drink the falling rain.

wishing I could understand,
feel emotion in your words,
share the heaviness in your heart,
and insist we will endure.

wishing I could write,
enable others to see,
speak up, speak out,
let us all be free.

Written for International Non-Violence Day 2008

Monday, September 29, 2008

Put Me Back Together

the ways come back
        to haunt me,
    turn it over in my hand.
bring my ghosts back
        protect me,
    and guide me in to land.
the words come back
        to speak to me,
    rebuild stories anew.
bring my voice back
        rename me,
    recolor the sky in blue.
the wars come back
        defend me,
    draw me back home.
bring my spirit back
        revive me,
    never again be alone.
the whispers come back
        instruct me,
    bring me back up to speed.
bring my rhythm back
        addict me,
    so there's nothing else I nedd.
the world comes back
        to hold me,
    give me somewhere to fall.
bring my gravity back
        and catch me,
    where I'm not afraid to crawl.

Monday, September 15, 2008

One Day

one day a week to hang,
three days a week to see,
five days a week to wonder
if there's something I'm missing.

seven days this week
'til I get to hold you again,
everyday wishing that
today would be then.

one day a week to lie,
to feel your warm body near.
six days a week to miss you,
to wish that day was here.

six days of nights I hunger
just to know you're there.
I im, txt, no answer--
am I imagining you care?

seven days this week
'til I get to hold you again,
every single day I wish
that today would be then


nine forty-five to midnight--
quarter-hour then two more--
time spent percolating,
gathering what's gone before.

my selves collaborating,
'til dew drips down my door,
reassessing, reassembling,
until I can't see anymore.

before sleep resets my data
and recalibration sets in,
collate all my pages,
staple, drop in the storage bin.

let the dials spin to zero
as I crawl into bed.
my dream reset the system,
default parameters refed.

Thursday, August 28, 2008


come back into my mind,
expelled out of the mist,
let me slip back from sleep,
consciousness not to list.

cell and bar within my mind,
trap knowledge to lessen pain,
forget all what I know--
so I have something I can gain.

if she keeps on talking,
my brain will turn to mush,
wade through the endless goo,
without drowning in the slush.

my grasp slips from my mind,
I cannot hold on tight,
palms to fingers to fingertips,
it's fading from the light.

kindergarten on my mind,
remedial to the core,
rotting are my feathers,
wings unstretched are sore.

if she keeps on talking,
I'll try not to fall asleep,
my eyes are heavy, tired, blind,
this shallow end so deep.

I'll dive despite the depth,
bang my head against the floor,
what is a subdural hepatoma?
I don't know anymore.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Between Goodbye and

there's a long pause before the click,
before the "hang up" tone,
as if i ought to say something,
something unsaid, unknown.

there's a long pause hanging there,
after you said goodbye...
I dearly want to say it,
don't know if it's the time...

there's two words in my mouth,
but I choke them back each time.
maybe I ought to say them
when you next pick up the line.

sometimes I seem so bold,
but inside I'm so unsure.
those words pose commitment,
awkwardness I can't endure.

I don't want to say anything,
in case you can't say it back;
so much is going on,
don't want to jump the track.

for now I won't say it,
but next time you hold me close,
the words will catch in my throat
and I won't want to let you go.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Touch Me, Kiss Me, Take Me (Mature)

Mature Content

push me against the wall,
hands touch my belly
touch my chest,
kiss me on the lips
and let your tongue do the rest.

push me against the table,
unzip my pants
drop to the floor,
ride me like you like it
until you can't do it no more.

push me against the tile,
wash my back
scrub my hair,
have freedom with your fingers
to clean me everywhere.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

So Alive

i can see where you're coming,
i can see where you'll go.
i can see through your nature,
but i've come for the show.

i know all your answers,
i know all your lies,
i know of your fate,
but i watch for your tries.

i'm familiar with your name,
i'm familiar with your face,
i'm familiar with your pain,
i'm familiar with your race;

i know what you feel,
way deep down inside;
all i've dreamed of is this:
to feel so alive!

Friday, June 20, 2008

Make Safe, Make Strong

I can form the magic
for the storm that's coming now.
I can make a standing,
I'll find the strength somehow.

I can build a shelter,
give us somewhere to hide;
I'll hold against the storm
while you stay safe inside.

I can stay and defend,
or I can go out and fight.
I leave to you to make the choice:
neither one is more right.

the storm is closing in,
and you haven't made your choice;
I'll stay and stand and hold you
'til you regain your voice.

the storm is all around us,
there's nowhere left to go.
I'll try to hold this hovel,
your choice I'll never know.

the storm is fading slowly,
leeching away my strength,
I'll hold as long as I can,
'til it lays me on my length.

I can put a shield around you,
to hold 'til the storm is done;
it will save you when I fall--
I have strength left just for one.

I can hear you protesting,
under the pounding of the storm,
to save me and not yourself--
I put a shield around your form.

I can see you barely
through the dimming of my sight,
whisper three little words to you,
then drift up to the Light.

the storm fin'ly dissipates,
from above I can see,
you climb out of the hovel,
stare in wonder at the peace.

the storm claimed many lives:
of all those unprepared.
you stand alone in the plain
saved by the strength I shared.

the storm is gone for now,
I cannot see if it returns.
use this time to rebuild--
make safe, make strong, and learn

Saturday, June 7, 2008

To The Light (Mature)

Mature Content

stroke my lips,
I'll bob my head;
kiss them and
I'll moan instead.

keep on teasing
to take a drink;
my brain will melt
so I can't think.

pull the pants off me,
show me to the light.
I'll stand strong for you:
do what you like.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Don't Be Shy

you bite you lip when i ask who,
afraid of what i might say;
is it me you're thinking of?
for that i cannot say.
but as for you, i'm thinking of,
and don't go away.

lean on me and sleep,
all your troubles fade;
give me secrets, those i'll keep,
until the sun is greyed.
but as for you, you're always light,
down i'm never weighed.

ask, i'll write an ode to you,
a verse for all time;
the ink may bleach, page may tear,
but still will last the rhyme.
but as for you, i won't let go,
weaving our lifelines.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Once and Future King

I can't find the way to the stone,
to the picture, to the sword, to the known,
to the king and all he is worth.

I can't find the fog and the lake,
to the island to the crown, to the drake,
to the queen of the keep and the earth.

I can't find the long endless road,
to the loyalty and debt that is owed,
to the wizard and the power he once held.

I can't find the table or the room,
to the kingdom once blessed, once doomed,
to the warrior, risen where he was felled.

I can't find the son stolen away,
to the knight with whom he'd stay,
to the destiny into which he was thrown.

I can't find the hand in the water,
to the coven with fate's lonely daughter,
to the seed with which she was sown.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


I saved a life today.

endless bedrock,
the sun, glaring down,
baking you...       skin to paste to smear,

slowly bleached away
into forgotten time,

left out of memory....

I saved a life today.

time for choices,
change of fate and mind;

I saved a life today.

not so someone will save mine,
not because someone already did,

I saved a life today:

because I was there and they needed help.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


when you drop a glass what does it do?
where are you? hold me inside

when you drop a glass how does it sound?
where are you ground? hold me inside

when you drop a glass walk trough the remains--
we once were the same-- and now i hide

when you drop the glass and eat the dust--
we're left to rust-- and you said goodbye

i never said goodbye

Monday, March 17, 2008

Wires In My Head

I've got wires in my head and I don't know why,
wires in my head that go beep in the night,
wires in my head, and monitors on my right,
I've got wires in my head and I wanna know why.

I'm laying in this room that's all painted white,
laying in this room, and I just wanna cry,
laying in this room, and I'm afraid I've died,
I'm laying in this room that's blindingly white.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Damn Good Beat

give me a reason to nod my head,
make it a good tune and throw the words away,
give me a good reason--I'll let me be led--
it doesn't matter what your lyrics say;

hand me a prewritten excuse
to loosen up and tap my feet,
intoxicate my aimless muse:
give me a damn good beat.

give me a reason to step back in line,
a pretty face might just be enough
give me a good reason--I'll give you a sign--
no need to be deep, I'll drown in fluff

hand me a ticket for unlimited use
to dive into her deep,
and my mind you can abuse:
give me a damn good beat.

give me a reason to fade into the crowd,
to drop my ego and pick up their ways,
give me a good reason--I won't be loud--
to lose my colors and wear their greys;

hand me a face that's just like theirs,
bribes to keep playing it on repeat,
make us public and our emotions shared:
give me a damn good beat.

Monday, March 3, 2008

page 011

a rule that rules the fiction
for no rule can bind my diction.

a change that changes my method,
but it cannot hide the message.

we are the human document,

page 275

And once again,
    in the restaurant,
        in the restaurant,
          a figure,
            clothed in a suit of light,
                  dark and distinct...

                      It must have been the devil.
                          had he extended his hand,
                        I would have gone with him.

                he met my gaze

          he smiled.

      I eagerly
  for tomorrow.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


the monsters that were hiding
'hind the door, 'neath the bed
aren't really monsters--
more like family instead.

my monsters in my closet
watch o'er me as I sleep,
as my monsters in the shadows
stalk the walls of my keep.

my monsters in my bedroom
guard my dreams from those who dare,
who pretend to be real people,
who give my monsters a real scare.

my monsters prowl the battlements
with honest fire in their eyes,
keeping away the nightmares
that wear a skin disguise:

the monsters in the windows,
the monsters down the street,
the monsters on the tv,
who preach of monsters in my keep.

Your Eyes

don't close your eyes,
they're my only escape,
as I drown in your curves--
arms, legs, neck's nape.

don't wet your eyes,
I might drown in your tears,
'stead give me the courage
to defeat all your fears.

don't lose the light
that keeps your eyes all aglow,
it's the seed to your laughter:
let it bubble and flow.

don't roll your eyes--
I'll get dizzy that way!
for so much beauty I see,
yet so difficult to say.

Monday, February 18, 2008


i felt darkness crushing in,
dark waters rising over my face,
poseidon bringing his lips to my throat,
--until you reached in with your grace.

the chill of the waters numbing my mind,
crushing silence and shadows for days,
death was coming to take me away,
--until you reached me with your grace.

the chill lulling for my release,
my soul stepping out of phase,
no gods reaching to lead me from pain,
--until you showed me your grace.

Friday, February 8, 2008


it loses it's meaning
as you lose you mind.
resisting your conscious
is futile, you find.

it opens your body,
invites you to bliss,
tempts you to forget
something you'll miss.

it vanishes from sight
without leaving a trace;
but it's really just hiding,
somewhere you can't face.

it evolves beyond reason,
it lingers beyond time,
it unscrews your braces,
it steals every dime.

it takes what you have,
and fills you with less,
it's hidden in this verse,
so give it a guess.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Let Us Play

you can't help people see the light,
when they keep their heads in the sand;
you try to dig a way out for them,
but it just trickles through your hands;

you can't police the anarchists,
nor reach beyond their country's lines;
you can;t be Emperor of the World,
and charge violators steep fines;

you can't claim your own laws
to stand up out of their place;
you can't kick us out of here:
we'll come back with a different face.

if you don't like what we write,
then turn your eyes away;
in here you're nothing special--
so leave and let us play!

On The Floor

I want to read your thoughts,
when you lay there on the floor;
I wish I knew your feelings,
when we exchanged mine and yours.

I wonder about three words,
that get caught up in my throat--
or instead, of three others,
that only unbutton your coat.

I know it's just a stint,
to stave off appetites between meals.
we're too far apart too many ways,
to wish for something real.

I hear only what you tell me,
know only what you share,
I'll hold you when you're near me,
if just to show I care.

I'd love for my embrace
to mean much more than this.
I know it must not--I know it can not--
but I can only type k-i-s-s.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My First Halo Game (Mature)

Mature Content

I felt his leg against mine lightly, shifted just so, a line of contact and nothing more. I was losing terribly, playing Halo my first time. He set the controller down on his right thigh, not the one touching mine, and started playing one-handed, his other now resting lightly just above my knee.

I was approaching his character when I felt lips on my cheek. I lined up the sights and put the controller on the floor, one of my toes carefully on the trigger, before leaning back on the couch and looking at him. My hand reached out and stroked the hair on the back of his neck; he leaned closer, and his controller fell to the floor. It bounced, bumping on of the joysticks.

I rolled my eyes internally and nudged my toe against the joystick. On the first try, the sights overshot and his lips touched mine. I slid it back carefully, finally centered and let myself wade into the kiss. Blindly, I reached for the trigger, his face filling my vision and his kiss drowning out everything in my mind. The time was nearly counted down, and my mind nearly obliterated by his touch.

I pressed the trigger. His character died, bringing the round to a close, and giving me the last kill.
He looked at the screen suddenly, ripping away his lips. I grinned. He spotted my foot on the controller, then gave me an exasperated groan. "That was a dirty trick."

I grabbed the neck of his shirt and pulled him back to me. "Then get over here and punish me."

He pushed me lightly and I leaned back, inviting him on top of me. He kissed me harder and I dissolved into oblivion.