Sunday, October 7, 2018

On Camping and Side Effects Thereof

Am I a failure, because I have to rent a room at the start of my camping trip? Night two and already finding myself driven back indoors in the quest for a good night's sleep, I can't help but feel some aching dissonance.

I wrote a treatise to myself, scant hours ago, sitting in my car, wondering why. I want to be out there, but the out there seems to want me in here.

I don't believe that the Earth provides things without cost, but rather awards beauty to this strong enough to find it. And I don't think I have the will to make myself strong enough.

I came here to both lose and find myself, and so far, I have found only disappointment.

In the morning, I will make my way to a ranger office, and hope that all I lack is guidance.

Trail Hallucinations, 2018-10-07

       This face was not the face of the
Devil. I have seen the face
of the devil, and it is far more
plain. His face is not the face
that rides up on a midnight        5
horse, clad with steel, chest
heaving and breath steaming and
hooves clattering. That might
be one of his minions, a
demon, or in defiance of        10
cliche, an angel.
       No, the Devil's face is
one that sidles up to you
quietly, not out of the darkness,
but out of the light. The Devil        15
is Temptation Supreme, and the
apple tastes all the sweeter if

you perceive the source as
kind. The Devil is not kind,
but he uses kindness as a         20
tool to earn trust.
       No, this face, gaping
wide as a well-worn cavern,
mouth inviting you in to taste
the sweet, cool darkness, is        25
one of many faces, of my
Mother, my Goddess, my Earth.
But don't be fooled. The
Earth is not kind. It does
not rain manna from the         30
sky to fill your aching
belly. She does not bless you
with gifts--as that is the
Devil's domain--but is of

herself, a gift. The Earth        35
provides all that we may
need, but we need to be
ready to accept it.
       Too many have taken the
blessing that is life and        40
splurged their share, wasting
wantonly at the Devil's
offering, and returned for
a second, a third, a fourth
helping. The selfishness of        45
the greed of the Devil drives
them, and leaves nothing to
spare but cast-away dregs
for the rest.
       Even in death is there no        50
cure for the Devil's greed.

The only way out is vigilance,
defying temptation at every
turn. Vigilance. Defiance.
Hand in hand.        55
       Clamoring for equality is
not the way out of inequality.
Living with less, living for
less, and still living is the
only way. It is not through        60
greed that we defeat the
greed of others; it is through
finding happiness, solace,
completeness with less that
we defeat the greed of others.        65
For greed does not lead to
happiness, solace or completeness;
it only leads to more greed.

       It is inherent in human
nature to want, and human        70
nature can only be rewritten
with the eradication of humanity.
Want is not the problem. Need
is the problem. Need defies
conscience. Need defies rationality.        75
The line between Need and Want
is the line between curiosity and
greed. Want for something you
do not have, and you will
dream of how things could be.        80
Need for something you cannot
get, and you will harm
everything that stands in your way.
Pursue that way, and harm
dealt can never be taken back.        85

       This, I say to you, is my
creed and testament.
       Make no exceptions.
       I am you and you is I.
       The only cure for inequality        90
is simplicity.
       Wanting is not a sin.
       Take these words. Live
through them. Strive to be
better. Life is a journey, not        95
a destination.

-2018/10/07/1718/Lirley Trailhead, IL