Saturday, January 31, 2015

five on a friday


upstairs neighbors come down-turn
for the thundering inside,
asks my beats for less release,
deny and return to life.

upstairs neighbors ring the door'
try and try again,
complain their floors are shaking,
can't stand to feel it. when

two in the morning, workday,
rebuttal comes, wakes me up,
butterfingers daily dropping,
gets me tired enough,

but five pm, it's friday
and i'm winding down,
then you complain...
deny and sit back down.

upstairs neighbors pound the door,
swear to call the don,
laugh, and do it here, i'll wait,
no? then move along.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Coined by Calm, Day 1

I don't know what to say, and that might be a first.

While impromptu verbal forms of expression have long been a challenge for me, the written word usually comes naturally for me, but for once... it's hard.

So I sold my car. It wasn't worth much, held together by more rust than steel, but it got me a few more bills in my pocket and eighteen hours from home. It got me a spare wheel, a couple of spare tires, and offset the solar panel that I've rigged onto my trailer.

It also got me through the past nine years of life. It was my first car, and if this all works out, it will be my last. Wish me luck.

--
Find the rest of the C-by-C Project at coinedbycalm.blogspot.com.

Coined by Calm, 30, 40, 46, 47

Day 30
Topsoil. Oh, it feels so soft and cold. It's like bliss to my back. My last two campsites were stone and sand respectively, and I haven't rested on dirt since my first. I laid down my tarp, strung up my tube tent on top of it, my wind barrier above that, and screened in my bike and trailer from the elements. If it stayed clear and still enough tonight, I'd be re-oiling my gears after clearing out the grit and dust from the road and the land.

Day 40
Shopping and moving day, all in one. The state law said I could camp on public land for two weeks before I had to move, but I struck off four days from that because I didn't have all that much storage for foodstuffs and waste. Every ten days I'd venture back into civilization and pick up supplies, and if I got lucky, a little busking.

It looks like I'll be back on gravel and stone tonight, camping among the boulders in a tree-less gulley. I hate these stops, these unlucky draws, but getting settled--despite my minimal luggage--was a time-consuming-enough exercise that I stayed for the full duration.

Day 46
What do you do? What do I do? Ten days in a camp with nothing but what I bring with me, no more luggage than what I carry with me; what is there to do?

Well, I write; I write a lot. There's a lot to be written about. I have a little GPS unit that I flick on just long enough to get my bearings everywhere I stop, just down my "coords." I have a smartdevice that I use exclusively for writing on, because it weighs less than paper. I write about life, about living this nomadic lifestyle, random musings that pop into my head, about my campsite, and everything else I can think of.

I also wander. Even when I'm squatting on a flat open plain that has nothing around to tether my tent to, and I have to unclamp my trailer from my bike to get any sort of tension to hang my tent from, there's still something of beauty in the landscape. I spent all of my childhood living in a world that didn't know true darkness, where light pollution wasn't considered a sin. Now I'm here, one and a half months into a solitary, minimalistic, nomadic lifestyle, and I didn't want to go back. I didn't have to work to appreciate the small things, because I was living in a world without big things..

I do have a camera, and a solar battery charger, but when everything is beautiful in a way that can't be captured, you just have to see it for yourself, I find myself using it less and less. I do pull it out before I settle down in an area, to make sure I honor Leave No Trace to my best ability, and those pictures find their way onto my blog... after enough delay that they can't track me down.

Day 47
With light and batteries falling, I left you on something of a strange note last time.

"They can't track me down."

I'm not just living a life that's mostly seperate from civilization, I'm running from civilization. I recognize that I need it in small doses to restock, but not in a daily dose. I'm defying a societally accepted norm, and worse than that, I'm chronicling it where the world can see it.

Some factions of the world don't like that, and I don't blame them. Worse yet, some of the members of those factions are related to me, and they just want me to come home.

I am home.

Friday, January 16, 2015

I Just Gestured To All of Me

fly like the wind and roar like the earth, 
jump without falling and miss hitting dirt, 
make yourself into more and leave so much less 
and stop being convinced you're not worth the rest. 

I'm falling, I'm diving, I'm out of control... 
my mind's blacked-out and my psyche has holes; 
I'm flailing, I'm breaking, I'm giving up fast... 
my strength is fading and I'm ready to crash. 

idiots keep trying the same thing 
and keep expecting something different to be; 
I keep trying different things, 
endlessly wishing for one simple dream:  

I want to stop falling, stop failing, stop worrying, 
stop hating what I know tomorrow will bring; 
the depression, the pain, the darkness I see... 
but most of all: the being me.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Double Dipping, 1

Mature Content
The topics covered in this story may not be appropriate for all ages.
--

Online dating is a wasteland. Sure, there may statistically be plenty of fish in the sea, but sorting the fish from the sharks, so to speak, and standing out myself is just as difficult as ever. Everybody has their own ways of handling this, and I'm no different.

Every reply I get I treat reverently, though I'm not the type of guy (or have the sort of profile) that gets propositioned often or frequently.




From: dianaknowsbest
To: 1stofpleasures

Browncoat indeed! You've certainly got me pegged. I give you a B+ in horribleness and an A+ in hats. Where do you get those things?




To start with, I thought like a dandelion rather than a mammal: I put myself out there, everywhere. One account per network, and they all got the same username so anybody else doing the same thing would feel less deceived when they stumbled over me. 

I did have what I considered my primary account, what fell on my preferred network, and posted that on my alternate profiles, but some people had their preferences and I never asked them to change.




From: missdknowsbest
To: 1stofpleasures

Nice hat. It makes you look younger, though that's probably not something you need. Do you think it might have the same effect on me? Thanks for the book recommendations, I'll definitely take a look.




Secondly, I let my tastes and search preferences broaden. This was a natural process that would have happened regardless as I aged, but I mentally prepared myself for it early. For example, though I didn't want children for myself, I was more open towards chatting and growing close to those who did. I made it clear I wasn't prepared for a parental role, but that might be less of a deterrant than you might think.




From: dianaknowsbest
To: 1stofpleasures

Wow, you make them? That's so cool. I'd love for you to make one for me, but perhaps you better measure my head yourself.




And thirdly, I really put myself out there. Every message was tailored to my target--that's the way it's supposed to be, but it seems to get passed up more often as of late. With the advent of the internet, it's become so much easier to have stock messages and a limited book of pick-up lines--which was another thing I didn't subscribe to.




From: missdknowsbest
To: 1stofpleasures

You're too kind. No, really. That's fantastic though: a guy who cooks and sews. What's left for us womenfolk to do? I'm teasing, of course. I'd love to have you over for dinner. Well, food for dinner, and if you're lucky, you for dessert. 

--

Read all parts of Double Dipping on DreamCruder.

Friday, January 2, 2015

Hildy Johnson

I need the risk to make it worthwhile,
the chance to lose it all,
every choice, every trial,
makes me stand or fall.

I need the possibility of dying
if I toe too close the line,
I need the vultures flying
overhead, not in my mind.

I need just like MacDonald,
sunning on his Steel Beach;
I need fewer, smaller handholds,
and civilization out of reach.

I could do without the CC
running circles in my head,
it's crowded enough up there
with nothing left unsaid.

Not What I Wanted To Write

everything crumbles
and falls into dust,
everything topples
and stains with rust;
everyone falters
and loses their ground,
everyone wonders
why they're kept around.