Wednesday, August 6, 2014

The Straightest Line I've Ever Drawn Freehand (Mature)

Mature Content
--

1.
Caress my skin with the blade,
Feel the offer to bite,
To slide in softly worshipping
To kiss and make things right.

Steel's promise to release
The pain long held inside;
No more disappointments made
And trapped beneath my hide.

Make a solemn sacrifice
To gods who hear no cries
Bleed upon the empty altar
And stop eating my own lies.

2.
Tracing lines with steel
Warm and soft and light,
Pictures seen only by me,
Showing my internal fight.

No papyrus beneath the pen,
No strong, immobile stone,
No animal meat to eat,
Just me and my skin alone.

3.
What's beyond I cannot say,
But I know enough to guess
Maybe nothing, maybe something,
But all things I will address:

There could be only darkness,
The nothing I embrace,
I just stop, the world goes on,
Without my solemn face.

There could really be hell
And I might suffer for my sin
Of doing Death's job myself
Instead of waiting for him.

There could be rebirth,
Perhaps compensating for my life,
Maybe I'll be stone
And never know this strife.

There could be Omega,
A Point for all who've died;
I'll tell them you're sorry,
If memory makes the flight.

There could be a split,
The Law of Conservation of Life
Where the world just gets stranger
And a different me has died.

There could be an after image
Burned into this plane.
Forced to see but not affect,
Forced to see your pain.

 There could be a slowing,
An event horizon effect,
Where I slowly get closer,
But never manage to defect.

4.
They say the pain will fade,
Take with it the wish to die,
But the Hotline doesn't know
 How many times I've tried

To curl into a ball and wait,
Wish the hurt to fade away,
Twenty blasted years of it;
I want to go today.

5.
Everything breaks or flees,
Failing in my tries,
Giving way before my dams,
My pain and my goodbyes

Even the phone,
When I call work to say
I'll probably not be in
Because I killed myself today.

Sitting bedside dressed to go,
With a penline on my wrist,
The Straightest Line I ever freehanded
And it's where I want the kiss.

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