The whole poem can be found here.
This poem is intended to be an ongoing history of my love-life, and as I am still living it, chapters are bound to be added or edited; when I wrote this the first time, I thought I was done, I thought I'd found someone to spend my life with... but that's more for an upcoming part. For now, I'm just going to start with the first rendition and the first two chapters.
I'd given all I had to you,
not your fault you put me through
all the pain and the war
that none of us sought before.
My first love and first girlfriend was very important to me. For the time we were together, I hoped it would never end, and we often talked about a future together. Unfortunately, things very often do not turn out the way we plan.
She passed away in the fall of 2006 from complications of diabetes. That was the pain. The war was the aftermath: blame of some of her friends laid on me for her death, and my alliance with more of her friends in an effort to defend me.
All I'd asked was you to be
serious, honest with me...
but now I've known hearts to break,
and it was my pain to take.
I did what I had to do.
She was my first love, and also my first broken heart. I'll admit to doing some things that I wasn't proud of, then or now, but I felt and still feel that they were all justified.
All pieces dedicated to her can be found here.
I'd reached out far and caught your hand,
thought I'd found a second plan,
closed my eyes and there was you,
hoped and promised and loving too.
While I was still recovering from the loss of my first, I started chatting online with someone else, someone who quickly claim to mean a lot to me. She lived on the west coast ("reached out far," "distance we could not forget"), and it was my first (and at the time of this writing, last) long distance relationship.
But our needs were far from met,
distance we could not forget,
so you slipped, so I fell,
and honestly you did tell...
For that much I meant to you.
We were implicitly honest with each other, she spoke of her dalliances, I spoke of my heartbreak, and formed a somewhat strong friendship, which was tainted when I fell for her, though it wasn't unexpected for either of us. But it wasn't meant to be.
I'd chosen you and to flirt,
give no love and get no hurt
we both made plans and both fell through
and I got back all I gave to you:
nothing broken, nothing bruised.
And thus was my first casual relationship. No heart was put into it, no love was granted. He might have been my first boyfriend, but we didn't last much longer than some brief flirting, certainly not longer enough to define our relationship.
Further interpretation of the remainder of this poem is forthcoming.