Saturday, March 27, 2010

Prisoner In My Own Head


she's getting stronger
   and I don't know why,
I can't run, I can't hide,
   I cannot even fight.

she's trapped in here with me
   but she knows how to get free...
I'm trapped in here with me...
   and I can't get free...

she's getting stronger...
   I can feel her--so real now;
she's getting brighter...
   I can't hide from her glow.

she's trapped in here with me
   but I know she's really free.
I'm never, I could never,
   really, truly...                     free

Prisoner In My Own Head


she's getting stronger
    and I don't know why,
I can't run, I can't hide,
    I cannot even fight.

she's trapped in here with me
    but she knows how to get free...
I'm trapped in here with me...
    and I can't get free...

she's getting stronger...
    I can feel her--so real now;
she's getting brighter...
    I can't hide from her glow.

she's trapped in here with me
    but I know she's really free.
I'm never, I could never,
    really, truly...                free

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Dream Journal: 17 Mar 2010

I was driving down a smooth limestone road, grass crowding close on either side of my car, a blue Ford Taurus sedan. There was a storm raging all around me, and my road ahead dived into a forest, where the trees very often crowded close to my car.

When I entered the forest, I could still see the grey sky above me, weaving between the branches of trees that reached over the road. Lightning struck nearby and often, and heavy tree limbs started falling around me.

Sometimes, they would fall a few feet to one side or the other of my car, sometimes they would fall with branches covering part of the road, but I always had barely enough time to swerve around them; slowly at first, but the faster, they were landing on the road itself, but even still, I always had room and time to swerve around them.

Thunder endlessly shook my car like an audible earthquake, and the lightning felt like is was getting closer.

Finally, a bolt struck immediately beside my car as I was dodging around the right side of a fallen limb. I steered under it before I could adjust, and it hit my car, not as a flash like lightning should and gone in an instant, but as a crackling beam, from just in front of my right side-view mirror to midway along the backseat passenger-side door before the lightning let my car, and then was gone, again behaving like lightning ought.

~

I walked into the auditorium late, the storm and its energy still echoing in my head, through the left side rear door on the upper level, as facing the stage, and the person on the stage at the mic saw me.

"How kind of you to join us, Ace."

I walked to the left-middle aisle (there were 2 aisles, dividing the seating into thirds) and down a few rows, before sitting in the seat (empty, now filled as I sat) at the end of the row. A few friends of mine sat in the row below me and beside me (to my right), and then turned and smiled, or patted my shoulder and said "Good to see you."

~

More happened, including something recognizing me and my group of friends, but I don't remember any details.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Top That (Mature)

Mature Content
--

I won't have sex before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't think about sex before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't masturbate before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't think about masturbating before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't live with a guy before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't think about living with a girl before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't kiss before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't think about kissing before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't date before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't won't think about dating before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't show my skin before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't look at girls before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well I won't look at porn before marriage.
Oh yeah? Well... wait, what do you mean no porn?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Something White, Something Blue

1.
I'd given all I had to you,
not your fault you put me through
all the pain and the war
that none of us sought before.

All I'd asked was you to be
serious, honest with me...
but now I've known hearts to break,
and it was my pain to take.
I did what I had to do.


2.
I'd reached out far and caught your hand,
thought I'd found a second plan,
closed my eyes and there was you,
hoped and promised and loving too.

But our needs were far from met,
distance we could not forget,
so you slipped, so I fell,
and honestly you did tell...
For that much I meant to you.


Intermission
I'd chosen you and to flirt,
give no love and get no hurt
we both made plans and both fell through
and I got back all I gave to you:
nothing broken, nothing bruised.


3.
I'd given honesty alone to you,
nothing old and nothing new,
though I felt you want me back,
'til you took away those tracks.

You decided I was too kind,
you wanted mean, I wanted mind.
So you walked away from me
blaming what I wouldn't be,
but saying that it just was you.


4.
I'd given little I had to you,
I jumped though neither flew,
crashed and burned, crashed and burned,
all that pain you put me through.

Then you came and met my past,
and still my plans don't last,
you fell in love and not with me...
did my fate have to be:
chasing, never catching you?


Intermission
I'd chosen you and to flirt,
give no love and get no hurt
we both made plans and both fell through
and I got back all I gave to you:
nothing broken, nothing bruised.


5.
I'd given most I'd had to you,
but for all you put me through,
far too little I had to take...
so mistakes I chose to make.

All I'd asked you to be
your friends accepting of me,
but now I've known no price to pay,
and now it's all gone away,...
I did what I had to do.


6.
I'd made mistakes to be with you,
promises out the window flew,
hoping the difference would save my soul,
and here, at last, I DO feel whole.

All you've asked I could provide,
and all returned without the pride
that you feel for having me,
having, holding, loving me,
and nothing my past can undo.


Finale
I've given everything 'tween all and none,
and all lessons learned and done.
Every balance we might achieve:
get one chance before it leaves.

Sometimes I care more than not,
sometimes I'm just there to lick the pot,
despite no effort to make the dish...
I still sit here, and I still wish:

for something borrowed, something new,
someone for me who I'm for too. 

--

At the time this was written, it was a complete, albeit abbreviated, history of my experience with love and romance. Each chapter indicates a serious relationship; each intermission indicates a casual fling. As this poem exists in a living history, edits and revisals were due as time passed. Search swsb for updates.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Nothing Gone Unsaid

I wrote a poem yesterday
so I wouldn't have to today,
because tomorrow's always coming
and nothing's here to stay.

Each time I write a poem,
saves a moment that is past:
a promise too long unspoken
that its memory doesn't last,

a gift that wasn't opened,
a whisper never heard,
a tear never fallen,
a secret too long interred.

All these things brought to stay
with words often read,
my gallery of words
so nothing goes unsaid.

Nothing goes unsaid,
as you read them to yourself,
but they slowly become yours,
your religion, your being, your health.

My words are mine own,
but the pictures belong to you.
Give them new life, new homes,
and there's nothing I can do.

There's nothing original
in what you make with mine,
but it brings forth perspective,
a fresh view every time.

The poem I wrote yesterday,
its part is far from done:
it gives me room to write
when tomorrow's -at last- does come.